I dont know what to do with my life

I have always thought I knew what i wanted to be in life but after certain circumstances, I really don't know. I have been doubting if I still want to continue coming to college. I feel weird being here in school and pretending that I want to be here. A few months back, I was determine to go to grad school after graduation and now I'm worried that I won't even make it to graduation. What's happening to me, that I dont have the energy to do anything anymore. I've been thinking about what I truly love doing and this what I came up with. I think my true passion would be writing.
Creative writing to be more specific, I have always enjoyed writing (not essays) it’s something that I has made me pretty happy with. I write about, mostly about what I wanted my life to be like. Just get this, I love writing my thoughts in paper, in the computer even in my notes in class. Even though I’m not a good writer, I could always improve to be the best. I have always wanted to write a book and actually finish it but I never get the chance to. Another thing I love is photography, I have always wanted to be a famous photographer that goes out in the world and takes pictures. I would have love to do that. The other day my mom was talking to my younger sister Nancy about having her own business in photography, like she’s taking a class and my mom thinks she could benefit from that, earning cash with something she loves doing. I want things like that. I feel like right now I’m just wasting my life in school. I’ve been in school for almost 18 years. And what have I gotten from that? NOTHING.

I feel lost in this world of confusion. Reality... Why is time going by so quick? Why did I have to grow up so fast? I'm 22, yes 22. I'm pretending to say I'm 21 to feel younger because I'm afraid to face the real world after this is over. I need to face fact and confront what's out there. I'm too scared. What am I suppose to do????

Can't Do THis No More

Writing is the only comfort I have; it is the only way to express all my emotions and feelings without having to talking about it with someone. I don’t know if I’m never going to recover from this. I think this time I over did it and the worst thing is that I can’t take it back. I can’t even describe the feeling that I’m feeling right now. I feel this pain inside, a pain that is killing me every second. It’s hard to pretend that everything is alright when it’s not. I have to pretend that nothing happen in reality something happen.